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What about Candy?"Penelope smiled wickedly and said, "Oh, you can be sure those boys atBeta Phi will keep her busy."Samantha said, "I don't understand. Oh, you mean they're such pigsshe'll be cleaning up after them night and day?"Penelope laughed outright. "Well, I guess there's that but she'll alsobe very busy polishing knobs and such, if you know what I mean?"Samantha raised one eyebrow and said, "Really? Even on regular dayswithout that stupid rule? I thought most of them have girlfriends."Penelope said, "How could they resist her in her frilly French maid'scostume? Besides, you know guys. If it's a choice between sitting aroundthe frat house in sweat pants watching the game then lining up to boffthe maid or going out to a dinner and a movie with their girl they'llchoose convenience nine times out of ten."Samantha said, "Well, maybe six times out of seven. At least she'll begetting paid." Minus my finder's fee, naturally."Samantha looked at Penelope and said, "Naturally."Penelope. And it didn't help any that I was hung like a mouse. Probably thesmallest penis in Western Civilization. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had pretty much abandonedhope of becoming the next great American ladies' man. As my 18thbirthday closed in, I was wondering if I would be a virgin all my life.Fate didn't just jab me, it threw combination punches at my jaw. Youwould think that someone born on Valentine's Day would be a great lover.Hah! It was just an irony piled on an irony.But things took a turn in a brand new direction for me on February 13,the day before my 18th birthday, when the mail arrived.The only thing about that day that I was grateful for was that Clare wasat her friend's house when it happened.I remember it vividly. It was a Saturday afternoon. Mom went to the doorand came in with the mail. Dad was on the couch watching a basketballgame. Since I didn't have anything better to do, I was sitting next toDad.The arrival of the mail meant little to me. I was.
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